Saturday, January 27, 2018

It's hard staying connected with kids!

If you had told me when I had my first child that I wouldn't feel connected to them as they age or that it would have been hard I would have thought you were nuts. I've really realized in the last few years that it takes a LOT of work to stay truly connected to your children. I think when they are young it is so much easier and therefore I never really thought about it being harder as they age.

I noticed with our oldest that once he got a job that I noticed that disconnect.  He was always on the go and we talked, but we weren't digging deep in the conversations.  Those were the time it seemed we should have been pushing more to have those deep conversations.  Then the girlfriend came and now it's hard to believe, but at almost 19 he's living on his own. We see him, but it's run in or stopping by work. Those aren't times for deep conversation. As much as I love and hate our growing dependence on cell phones it does help when you have a child that no longer lives at home. It can be a lengthy text conversation or just saying hey, I'm proud of you and love you!

Before we ever had our first child I had in my mind that I wanted a boy, a girl and then another boy.  I got my girl and I was in heaven the day she was born.  The last few years I've realized that being close with a daughter is different than a son.  I find that I have trouble not being critical with my daughter over things that I never did or wouldn't do now. I sadly think I always figured she'd be just like me and when she isn't I have to remind myself that is totally OK :) She's not me, she's my daughter, and times are not like when I was her age. I'm trying to really watch what I say that might be critical or construed as critical. Sadly, it's much harder than I'd like to admit. I have to learn what is important to her and make that important to ME!

Our youngest is easier to connect with because he's just 10. I think when you are that age just spending time watching tv, reading a book, making slime or playing a game is everything to them. I realize I've made mistakes with the older two that I'm trying to fix. I know there were times they were talking and I wasn't really listening. That makes me sad when I realize how little time they will be living with me at this point. They are all at different points in their lives and I just have to love them and make the effort to stay connected with them.

Here's a picture of Issac making slime :) Like I said, sometimes it's the simplest things that can help you connect with your child :)

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  1. So very true... As you know my babies are all still at home, but it is way different parenting and connecting with older children. I think the fact that you recognize you need to make adjustments to connect better is a great first step. You got this! Your children all know that you love them. You are a wonderful mother.

    1. I drive myself crazy sometimes thinking why didn't I see something sooner :) The joys of being a mom :)

  2. I hear you. I've walked this path. My older "students" are now 31 and 28, and after many years of upheaval with the older one I can say the closeness is being re-established. Keep your chin up. Pray for them, love them, and continue reaching out with the periodic encouraging comment!


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