Review: Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think

I think parenting must be the hardest as well as most rewarding job there ever could be for a person. I'm not sure that everyone realizes how much work and effort have to be put into these little ones daily to produce adults that can navigate and function well in this world we live in currently. I remember when I was pregnant with our first I thought if I'm half as good a mom as my mom was then I'm golden. As the years went on I started stressing because I hadn't really read any parenting books or thought about what strategies and consequences we'd use. I think I started struggling the most when I realized how truly opposite my husband and I were raised and what a difference that made in our parenting styles. As our children get older we often have to change up the way that we parent them. Sometimes we also have to have different strategies for different children. Shortly after my items I arrived I had a bit of free time one night, so decided to take advantage and watch  Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think (Video)  by Parenting Made Practical I figured quiet time to focus doesn't happen often:) As I watched the video I realized as my children have aged that I have become guilty of lecturing. I thought I was "explaining" my thoughts and reasons for what was happening. Sadly, I've realized I was lecturing them and they were basically tuning out:( I remember sitting at the table with my husband "talking" to our oldest and the oldest was so tuned out. I could see that it was happening when my husband talked to him, but didn't realize it was happening with me as well. Sadly, we were and have both been guilty of lecturing.  As I read  Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think (book) I was able to gather additional information that I didn't pick up in while watching the video. 
I have learned quite a few practical tips for  Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think.  Lecturing does not give children new information or motivate them to do the right thing. It also does not encourage them to succeed or give them the freedom to make mistakes that they can also learn from.  Parents tend to lecture because it doesn't take much time, it can be done anywhere and it makes the parent feel better.  Some examples of lecturing are:
Reminding Negotiating Debating Threatening Talking over your kids while they are talking Talking without first getting their attention
Before we can truly teach our children we need them to have a teachable heart.  If they don't have a teachable heart then they aren't going to accept anything we teach them. We really need to get our children thinking and to do that we must ask questions. Our children aren't thinking because they feel it's too much work, they get overwhelmed, they don't know how and they are self-focused.  We have to teach them to be responsible and take ownership of their attitudes and action.  Some of the types of questions we can ask are the following: 
Why did you do that? What were you thinking when you made that choice? Why didn't you do what I asked you to do? Did you feel guilty for not doing what I asked of you? How do you think I felt when I found out you didn't do it? Did you think you would get away with it? Did you think what you did was the right thing? These are just a few of the questions that you could ask your child when you have caught them lying, trying to deceive you or not completed an assigned task.
Answers that are not to be accepted are: I'm not sure Possibly I think so Maybe Kind of Sort of Whatever
I've noticed that my ten year old will say he doesn't know when asked a question. I've also seen him give an answer that I believe is what he thinks is the correct answer, but not necessarily the true answer. This book and video have come at a truly great time for me because my son is currently doing intensive home therapy. When he doesn't want to answer them I've noticed they start asking questions. They never lecture! While reading  Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think I've gotten a new perspective on sin as well. In the book it explains that sin is sin and that God doesn't look at them differently. For some reason I had never really thought about comparing different sins and how God feels about the person committing them. We had a nice discussion at the table about it doesn't matter if we think it's a small sin. It's a sin in God's eyes and he's not happy with sin period.  
In the long run we truly need to have our children be accountable for their own behavior. I know that I have been guilty of not doling out a consequence when there should have been one. That won't help my children when they are adults and do wrong. It's one thing to give a child grace in a situation that you feel it should be given. It's another to not give consequences when wrong behavior occurs because that's not going to help them down the road.  Parenting Made Practical has come up with a great way to help unlock your child's heart.  It's called the repentance, forgiveness and restoration process.  When they have done a wrong act they need to:
* Be ready to repent * Explain what they did wrong and how they didn't obey * Explain how they violated their heart attitude * Explain why they were wrong in their actions * Ask Jesus to forgive them * Explain how they are going to make things right again

I was fortunate enough that I was able to read the book as well as watch the Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think (Video) .    The dvd has a title of A Parent's Night Out and I think that's truly fitting. What better way to spend a night out than learning how to make your home a better place.  The dvd is 1 disk that runs about 53 minutes.  On the disk we see Joey and Carla Link talking to a group of parents about how to motivate their children and teach them to think for themselves. I personally love watching DVD's like this because I'm more of a visual person. I feel like I'm right there in the audience with the speaker and feel that personal connection. I think one of the biggest things I took away from the video is about our children's temperaments.  I learned that they are inborn-given by God. I also learned that there are four-basic temperaments.
Choloric * Born leaders * Visionaries * They Delegate * They aren't afraid of confrontation * They are argumenative, domineering and have a need for control
Sanguine * Life of the party * Knows no stranger * Outgoing, cheerful, positive and encouraging * Easily distracted and prone to lying
Melancholy * Quiet, needs few friends * Genius, artistic and creative * A perfectionist * Over sensitive, moody and self-focused
Phelgmatic * Good in a crisis * Negotiates well * Laid-back * Good with numbers/analytical * Procrastinates, hard to motivate and stubborn
I think it's very helpful to learn more about my children's temperaments, so that I can adjust ways that I relate with each one.  There is so much information in the book and video that I've just touched the surface here. These are the types of materials that you can read and watch over and over and pick up new information each time.  Please go check out all the crew reviews. We reviewed several different products and they all look amazing.

Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think (book) 

Why Can't I Get My Kids to Behave (book) 

Navigating the Rapids of Parenting (Video)

Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think (Video)

Dating, Courting & Choosing a Mate... What Works? (Video)

What Every Child Should Know Along the Way (book)

It was truly very hard for me to chose because they all looked like I could learn so much from them. Parenting Made Practical has come up with some amazing resources to help us parent our children. Here's a little video that gives a short idea of what they are teaching. 
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It's hard staying connected with kids!

If you had told me when I had my first child that I wouldn't feel connected to them as they age or that it would have been hard I would have thought you were nuts. I've really realized in the last few years that it takes a LOT of work to stay truly connected to your children. I think when they are young it is so much easier and therefore I never really thought about it being harder as they age.

I noticed with our oldest that once he got a job that I noticed that disconnect.  He was always on the go and we talked, but we weren't digging deep in the conversations.  Those were the time it seemed we should have been pushing more to have those deep conversations.  Then the girlfriend came and now it's hard to believe, but at almost 19 he's living on his own. We see him, but it's run in or stopping by work. Those aren't times for deep conversation. As much as I love and hate our growing dependence on cell phones it does help when you have a child that no longer lives at home. It can be a lengthy text conversation or just saying hey, I'm proud of you and love you!

Before we ever had our first child I had in my mind that I wanted a boy, a girl and then another boy.  I got my girl and I was in heaven the day she was born.  The last few years I've realized that being close with a daughter is different than a son.  I find that I have trouble not being critical with my daughter over things that I never did or wouldn't do now. I sadly think I always figured she'd be just like me and when she isn't I have to remind myself that is totally OK :) She's not me, she's my daughter, and times are not like when I was her age. I'm trying to really watch what I say that might be critical or construed as critical. Sadly, it's much harder than I'd like to admit. I have to learn what is important to her and make that important to ME!

Our youngest is easier to connect with because he's just 10. I think when you are that age just spending time watching tv, reading a book, making slime or playing a game is everything to them. I realize I've made mistakes with the older two that I'm trying to fix. I know there were times they were talking and I wasn't really listening. That makes me sad when I realize how little time they will be living with me at this point. They are all at different points in their lives and I just have to love them and make the effort to stay connected with them.

Here's a picture of Issac making slime :) Like I said, sometimes it's the simplest things that can help you connect with your child :)